That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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