Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
