don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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