thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
