hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
