just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
