ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
