morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
