I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
