Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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