I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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