Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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