take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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