My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
