Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
