This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
