i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
