Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
