I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
