ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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