so that wasnt chicken after all
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
