I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize