I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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