got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
