WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize