so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He passed out mid-signature
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
