So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
