Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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