Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
