Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
