You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
