Is it because I queefed?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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