Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
