the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
