I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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