Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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