Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
