whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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