Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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