I hate all girls vehemently.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All the doctor said was why
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
