oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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