he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
