I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
