Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize