Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
