hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
