we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
