his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
