Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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