ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
