I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
