He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
