were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize