with your own penis?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
