i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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