I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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