well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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