she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
