doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
