If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
