You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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