first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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