I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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