hotel room ftw
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
