Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
