i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
