so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
