I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
