so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
