I think I won the penis lottery.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just forgot I was standing up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
