you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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