White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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