We need to rekindle our bromance
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
