like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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