no, he came in my armpit
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize