I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
