Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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