Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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