i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
