I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
