a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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