Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
